It seems that there are many cycles in life. In Western culture, or at least North American culture, there seems to be a very high value placed on independence. While there is much good in being independent, there are also some pitfalls to be aware of.
In our physical life, we start out as babies – completely dependent upon our parents and other adults for our very survival. As we grow, we gradually become independent in various areas: we learn to dress ourselves, tie our own shoes, make meals, clean up after ourselves, learn how to drive, etc. However, even as we are becoming independent we learn that we are really interdependent – we wouldn’t last all that long all by ourselves! God created us as social beings and we need others. Isn’t it ironic that in a society that places such a high value on independence, that the most dreaded form of punishment is solitary confinement? Due to circumstances such as poor health, some complete the cycle by returning to complete dependence on others.
I work in the financial services industry and the term ‘financial independence’ is used a lot and is often held up as the pinnacle of success. In the purest sense, my belief is that term is false – in that we need customers for our business to make us financially independent (or many, many customers to keep the businesses in our pension funds and investments profitable). So once again, it is really more a case of interdependence and dependency on others that provides us with our financial ‘independence’!
Overall, financial independence can be a great thing if you are able to avoid the pitfalls of financial ‘success’. What pitfalls, you might ask? I am sure there are more, but here are three possibilities:
1. Pride: We start to get a big ego and think more of ourselves than we ought to, which can lead to us making poor decisions . . . and end very badly! We may even start to feel a sense of entitlement because of our financial success. Proverbs 16:18: Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.
2. Love of Money: Having money is very nice. It can buy us many pleasures and make life a lot easier and less stressful in a variety of ways. However, I have seen instances where wealth has changed peoples attitude from ‘loving people and using money’ to ‘using people and loving money’! 1 Timothy 6:10: For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
3. Independence: Isn’t it interesting that we hear so many stories of ‘self-made’ people that have achieved financial success, yet every person that failed to achieve similar financial success always has some ‘reason’ that was too great for them to overcome? It also seems that the more affluent a society is, the less they feel the need to be ‘dependent’ on God – which is a real shame. Deuteronomy 8:18: And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day.
What are your thoughts? How does God factor into your ‘independence’ and how much glory does He get from your successes?
It’s a beautiful summer morning and I’m at a cottage in the Canadian Shield; it’s early, the sun’s up, and there’s a slight breeze; it’s absolutely perfect. The water is sparkling blue and a canoe and two kayakers have just slide by.
But what I’m really excited about is the family of ducks who have settled into the waterfront in front of our cottage; there are two watchful parents and seven small ones. Mom and Dad are on the shoreline, looking like a couple of lifeguards while the young ones are bobbing and diving.
For the past number of years this duck family has made this end of our lake their base and I guess, because we aren’t up here as much as our neighbours, the waterfront in front of our cottage is blessed by their presence.
Three weeks ago they glided by while I was cleaning up the shoreline of debris left by the ice. I was so pleased that they showed no fear; they were within 10 feet when they paddled by to take notice of my actions. The young ones were never further than six feet from their parents; they were diving and playing around but they always knew where the parents were and likewise Mom and Dad were almost in the middle of their activity.
Today the space between the young ones and the parents has increased, probably to 40 feet; the parents are allowing more space between themselves and the brood for them to explore and get ready to be on their own. In their own way they have taught their young ones all of insight they know to survive in the wild.
The scenario this morning kind of strikes home, as our daughter is back for the summer but is already making plans to return to university 2,000 km’s away. You have to give your kids space and let them experience the life that surrounds them, but you never stop concerning yourself over their safety and the decisions they are making.
I received a copy of a newsletter from the high school my daughter graduated from last year and I didn’t know she was one of three students that went back to have session with this year’s graduating class; the three talked about their year at university.
Here is a snippet from the newsletter written by the principal: “These three wonderful young adults gave an hour of their time talking about their experiences at university. They spoke maturely, openly and honestly about their lives as university students. Among the things I found very interesting was the description of university life with its lifestyle challenges. Alcohol and soft drugs are readily available and very much part of university life. And the lines are drawn in decidedly different places when it comes to an understanding of sexual morality. All three spoke of going through a time in which their faith life did not find expression in church attendance. In this context, connection and community can be difficult to find. For all three, owning full responsibility for themselves came with a few bumps on the road. Sarah had a wonderful line: “you have to be your own mom”.
So like the ducks this morning getting further and further from their parents as they experience the world around themselves, we parents have to back off and let our loved ones take off on their own. Of course as believers, we know that they are not really on our own.
Christian Business Ministries Canada | #104 – 360 King Street West | Oshawa | ON | L1J 2J9 | Canada
Remember the passage about Jesus healed a sick woman. It’s a story within another story where Jesus were going with Jairus to his place to look at Jairus’ little daughter who was dying.
During the trip, a large crowd followed and pressed around Jesus. There were so many people all around him. You wouldn’t even recognize a particular person in the crowd. If we were to do a movie, it would be like a scene of a busy market place in Indiana Jones. The camera then slowly zoomed to an unnoticeable woman behind the crowd. Her head was covered and she didn’t want anyone to notice her. She kept her head down and tried to avoid any contact with anybody. She quietly raised her hand and reached out to Jesus’ clothes. Immediately a miracle happened and her sickness was healed.
Jesus realized that his power had gone out. He turned around and asked who touched his clothes. His disciples who walked along with him were clueless. “Huh! There were so many people. What do you mean? I couldn’t even know who bumped into me or even stepped on my toes.” Jesus didn’t reply to his disciple but he kept looking. The woman knew what happened. She experienced great power and she was afriad. She cried and kneeled down before him. But Jesus smiled and said “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
This is a very familiar story to many of you but let’s review three lessons in this story.
1) Notice in the passage, it uses the word “suffering”. It’s not just a sickness. It’s suffering. It’s something painful and sad deep inside your heart. It could be something that is very hurtful and you can’t even tell anyone. It could be something that you want help the most but you are so ashamed of. Perhaps it’s the trouble marriage or it’s the problem relationship between you and your kid. The woman was at the end of her rope. She tried everything for so long and her situation continued to get worse. Do we usually do the same thing that we would go our own ways and try everything else until we realize that Jesus is the only way we need?
2) There were so many people around Jesus and someone would have touched him. His disciples might even bump into him a few times while walking alongside with him. Why was the woman the only one to receive the power and experience the miracle? Not even his clueless disciples around him at that time. Jesus gave us the answer. He said “your faith has healed you”. The key is faith. For many of us, faith seems to fade away over time. It’s not what you do or what you know but “faith”. In Matthew 21:21, Jesus said that if you have faith and do not doubt, you can even command the mountain to go into the sea. What’s the state of your faith?
3) There are things in our life that we wouldn’t bring it out. The woman didn’t want anyone to notice her. We want comfort and encourgement from others but often we got criticism instead. To make the matter worse, the most criticism may even come from ones who are the “experienced” individuals at church. But Jesus call the woman “daughter”, a name with so much love and comfort. A name with an inseparable and unchangeable relationship. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”. How do you treat others when they are in painful situation? Perhaps it’s an individual going through a divorce, do you quickly put on your “judge hat”? When you are suffering, do you know that Jesus will always love and comfort you?
When we got our dog 10 years ago, we just assumed she would worm her way into the hearts of all who lived in our home; and she did. But Kerry also became an integral member in the neighbourhood; she is a favourite especially with kids and retired folk up and down the street.
But there were two additional benefits that I have noticed owning this dog. Kerry is about 60 lbs and loves being active; active to the point of two major walks a day. We just came back from a typical morning walk of about 5 kms, tonight we’ll do three; we try and average eight kilometers a day. In the ten years we’ve owned our dog my weight has dropped 30 lbs. Even though I’m ten years older, I’m in better shape today than I was a decade ago. I certainly wasn’t expecting this wonderful gift from my walking companion.
Secondly, Kerry has introduced me to a large group of people whom I would never have met. Five years ago we moved to a small town and we’re only half a kilometer from the downtown core; Kerry and I often make walking the main street part of our twice a day outings. When we first started this routine I was surprised to see just how many ‘street people’ were in the downtown core. These folks aren’t homeless as they live in group homes but have nowhere to go during the day, so they tend to hang out on Main Street; that’s why I call them our street people.
After repeated passes during our walk, Kerry always wanted to stop and meet many of these folk. I decided that I should not just stop but should learn their names. Now I think I have fourteen people whom I can call by name and whom I can share a little conversation. Almost every one of these folks has some sort of mental disorder that has made working for a living impossible, but their zest for living is alive and well and they seem to enjoy living in our town.
I’ve now decided to get to know each of them a little better, not just their names; I’ve learned that Richard is from Manchester, Jamaica which is not far from Mandeville where I had some friends come from, we now have a common topic to talk about; Robert has been here for 4 years and comes from Scarborough, our church now always sends a Christmas package to him; there Dean and Dolfy who were on my Christmas list for winter gloves. I’ve got lots to learn about Drake, 2 David’s, Lee and Tom still.
Kerry has introduced me some ladies too, to Cory, Jane, June, Susan, Sofia and Liz; they often sit in the sun on the benches on Main Street wanting someone to fuss over and talk to; Kerry and I fit the bill.
Owning a dog … God has found a way of opening a whole new world to me that I never would have had the time to see. Praise Him.
Christian Business Ministries Canada | #104 – 360 King Street West | Oshawa | ON | L1J 2J9 | Canada
Jesus asked “what do you want me to do for you” couple times in Matthew 20. Do we know what we really want? Jesus wants us to be clear about what we ask him. Search our heart and ask what we want in God’s Kingdom.
However we often don’t know what we are asking, just like the mother of Zebedee’s sons in Matthew 20: 20-21. She wanted Jesus to grant one of her sons to sit at his right and the other at his left in His kingdom. But are we prepared for the responsibilities that come with it?
We will also encounter rejections like the two blind men in Matthew 20: 29-34. When they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted for his mercy. The crowd rebuked them and told them to be quiet, but they shouted even louder. When we are sure about what Jesus can do for us, be brave, raise our voice and ask God to help us. If we ask in faith, Jesus will have compassion on us and help us.
Jesus also said “whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave.” Are we ready for that?
Sponsored by Corpath and Christian Business Ministries Canada
*Special Corpath member pricing*
Tim Philpot is a lifelong resident of Lexington, Kentucky. In 1971, Tim married Susan Davis who grew up in Congo, Africa. Tim and Susan have no children and have been married for 37 years. Susan is a registered nurse.
In January 2004, Tim was appointed as Judge of the Fayette Circuit Family Court and was re-elected to an eight year term on November 7, 2006. Judge Philpot is now involved daily with families in crisis.
Tim received a J.D. Degree in 1977 from the University of Kentucky. He was a courtroom attorney for more than 26 years, concentrating on employment law, family law and civil rights cases.
In 1990, Tim was elected to the Kentucky State Senate where he served two terms until 1998. He was named “one of the ten best” Legislators by the Lexington newspaper in 1992 being known as “a man with a conscience” for his strong stand on ethics and as “a lone voice crying in the wilderness” in the local media. Tim also served as President of CBMC International which is a ministry for business and professional people. He has spoken in 66 nations to CBMC groups, Parliament groups, and business groups
Tim also was a serious amateur golfer for many years wining several local and state tournaments as well as participating in the 1983 British Amateur.
LEADERSHIP IS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. THE WAY LEADERS and followers relate to each other is the most important factor in their performance and job satisfaction. Poor leaders can depress the performance of even talented employees, while a great leader can draw the very best from less talented individuals.
Relationships are largely a product of the leader’s heart. While great leadership requires well developed skills, these mean nothing if the leader’s heart is not right. Those of us who really know the human condition know that our hearts are powerful. The heart is the foundation of every action. The heart determines how the leader uses the skills.
If it is in a leader’s heart to exploit people and circumstances for personal gain, or to place his needs before the team’s, he will lead selfishly. Leaders who believe they are the most important part of the team cannot build strong motivated teams. They get reluctant survivors rather than enthusiastic participants.
Relationships are tested most severely when the pressure is on. I once heard it said that one can only tell the strength of a submarine’s hull by taking it down – it is pressure that reveals the cracks. This is true of leadership. Smooth sailing tells us little about the leader’s heart – we learn what the leader is all about when the pressure is on.
You’ve probably worked for a few leaders who had the wrong hearts. They are not hard to find. Sometimes they pit people against each other or they are quick to take the credit for the work others have done. They grab the spotlight whenever they can. When the team struggles they distance themselves from the responsibility. When the pressure is on they often react with anger and frustration when the team needs encouragement and support.
For a brief time, I worked closely with someone like this. More than anything, he cared about how every situation made him look. Consequently, he personalized every setback and this led him to take his frustrations out on his team in angry outbursts during which he often criticized others in front of their peers. Nothing they did was ever good enough. He thought of himself as a caring leader but under pressure, his temper always got the best of him. He ended up chastising good people for doing the best they could at the very time he should have been encouraging them. I watched skilled and dedicated people become deeply disheartened. It often took them days to get past the outbursts. Their performance plummeted. One’s best work is the all a leader should expect. You will face the truest tests of the heart when the pressure is on.
Get the heart focused in the right direction, toward the needs of the team and the mission and you will not fall into this ego trap. You’ll see pressure from the perspective of those you lead. Your heart will lead you to care for them. You will steer them through rough water with confidence, providing the support and encouragement they need to stay focused and positive. They in turn won’t want to disappoint you. They will stay focused and work hard as a part of your team.
You will learn much more about yourself and the other leaders around you during a time of pressure than you will in good times. Pressure brings out the best in great leaders and the worst in poor ones. The determining factor is the disposition of the leader’s heart. Great leaders are patient and encouraging under pressure. Rather than creating additional pressures, they shield their teams from all but the most necessary pressures when they are doing their best work. This is all you can ask. When you are receiving it, make sure your team knows you appreciate it.
Discussion Questions:
Thinking about the best and worst leaders you have worked for, what were their characteristics?
How have leaders you have known reacted to pressure and how did their reactions affect their teams?
What steps can you take to ensure you don’t fall into the ego trap when you are under pressure?
For information on a workshop or personal coaching to help you lead your team through this storm contact us for an appointment.
